Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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