jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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