Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
