"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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