alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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