we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
