He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize