I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
