well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
