I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
