I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
