Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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