who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
