your parents love me but you hate me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize