why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
