so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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