she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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