I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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