I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
