even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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