Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
