Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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