What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
