I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
