We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
