the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
