Will you blow on my dice?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
