She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
