happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
