I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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