'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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