My nipple is on Facebook.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize