i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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