well I can't set my house on fire every night
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
