He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
