where am i from again
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
