I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
