my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
