My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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