forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
