i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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