wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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