And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
