i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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