i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
