What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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