He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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