Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
