I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
