i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
