i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
