They should really pass out barf bags in church
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
