He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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