i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
