Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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