my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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