He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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