I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i now understand why vodka
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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