walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
