I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
