It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm getting married
To pizza
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
