How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
