grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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