can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
