So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
