Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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