I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize