I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
