Don't you send me to vm
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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