I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
