after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
