I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
